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A personal narrative about foolish things people do because of love

Husband and Wife Get Surgery to Look Like Each Other Getty We've all known a couple that's so in love that they finish each other's sentences or take on each other's mannerisms.

Some lovey-dovey couples are so in sync that they even start physically looking alike after a while. But when husband and wife Neil and Jacqueline Megson started the look-alike phase of their courtship, it was more than just a case of buying a couple of wacky matching sweaters.

They went for a more permanent change -- through the magic of plastic surgery. We're pretty sure this is the sort of thing Hippocrates had in mind.

Neil was a performance artist and Jacqueline was a nurse turned performance artist collaborator. So it's not like we're talking about a pair of married homebodies who hosted Pampered Chef parties on the weekend or maybe they did, but like really weird ones that mixed adult diapers with cooking.

Anyway, Neil and Jacqueline loved each other so much that they felt as if they were the same person. So why not physically alter their appearances to look like they were twins who went by one name -- Genesis Breyer P-Orridge?

This involved getting matching boob jobs, and after that, it was eye and nose jobs, then cheek and chin implants, followed by lip plumping and liposuction. There was even a tattooed beauty mark thrown in there, though whose was natural and whose was a tat is probably irrelevant at this point.

No word on who had which genitals. Pandrogeny died of cancer in 2007. Pandrogeny kept going with the surgeries a personal narrative about foolish things people do because of love continues to call himself "we" until this day. And you thought you were in love. Being a kid in love and possessing the brain of a hamster is lethal.

Especially for 20-year-old Jordan Cardellawho begged his buddy to shoot him with a gun! In Jordan's sad little head, he figured that if he got shot, his girlfriend would go all Florence Nightingale on his bullet-riddled body and feel so sorry for him that she'd take him back. He probably got the idea from a soap opera or JFK.

Why didn't Jordan just do the deed himself? Because he was a convicted felon, and handling a firearm with his history of law troubles would be dumb. The Daily Mail And that was the last time Jordan and logic were ever on speaking terms.

The two picked out a nice, serene spot in a park where they could quietly proceed with getting freaking shot for love. Jordan asked Michael to shoot him not once, not twice, but three goddamn times in order to get his girlfriend back. Michael agreed, aimed his weapon and shot Jordan in the arm.

Jordan predictably fell to the ground, clutching his bleeding appendage. However, when Jordan demanded that Michael shoot him two more times, Michael came down with a sudden case of holy-balls-what-am-I-doing and refused.

Michael put the gun away and instead took Jordan to the hospital. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Advertisement Hey, this is the part of the story where Jordan's pain and suffering pay off with some sweet girlfriend loving, right?

A personal narrative about foolish things people do because of love

Jordan's ex decided to stay the shit away from all that noise, and never even visited him in the hospital. But you know who did visit Jordan? Turns out the cops don't take kindly to people getting shot, even if it's for romance. Getty "Why didn't you just hold a boombox over your head like a normal creep? Farmer Dick Kleis is the embodiment of that sentiment.

  1. Personal narrative essays title. Report abuse home nonfiction sports soccer and why i love it i love soccer because people call us field fairies but it takes a lot more skill than you.
  2. The unfortunately named hit man, Carlos Roberto de Jesus, finds Lupita, the lover, and discovers that she's his childhood friend. Especially for 20-year-old Jordan Cardella , who begged his buddy to shoot him with a gun!
  3. So it's not like we're talking about a pair of married homebodies who hosted Pampered Chef parties on the weekend or maybe they did, but like really weird ones that mixed adult diapers with cooking.

On one special occasion, he actually gave his wife, Carole, tons and tons of shit. Dick had a manure spreader just lying around, doing nothing in particular, and he decided to put it to use. Dick gathered up 123,000 pounds of manure, presumably after feeding his cows nothing but Taco Bell for a week, and got to work.

After three hours of carefully spreading the manure all over his field, he spelled out a birthday message to his dear wife: What am I, made of cow shit? Continue Reading Below Advertisement And Dick isn't the only man who's expressed his love in excrement.

One Valentine's Day, Bruce Andersland busted out the ol' manure spreader, aka the Love Machine, loaded her up with a few tons of dung and drew a gigantic heart with an arrow through it on his field.

The Gazette "This is great and all, but how are you going to fertilize the crops come spring? And yeah, Bruce's wife, Beth, was impressed with her little Poop Cupid. She called the gift "cute" and said, "Why not do something fun with what you got?

Oh, and for any would-be Feces Casanovas out there, Dick Kleis has some truly useful advice a personal narrative about foolish things people do because of love what kind of manure to use: It kind of melts the snow.

LB Williams is right there with you. To keep his marriage together, he set a cross on fire smack dab in the middle of his own lawn, complete with a note from the KKK warning his future ex-wife that she "better not leave that [N-word]. We probably should have mentioned that LB is black and his wife, Donna, is white. That actually just makes it more confusing. Though to be fair, the first part of LB's plan worked like a hate crime charm.

Donna was understandably shocked and scared that the KKK had done such a horrifying thing to them. Until she realized that the Ku Klux Klan is not known for violently supporting interracial marriages. What's more, when police began to investigate the supposed crime, they noticed that the cross had been meticulously placed on the lawn in such a spot so as to not burn up the driveway or otherwise damage the house.

Since when was the KKK this considerate? Getty "We've really been working on improving our public image. A desperate man who used an emotionally charged symbol of hate and terror to woo his wife. You have a few options: You could A get a divorce B ignore the affair and take a lover, because you've always wanted to take a lover or C murder the shit out of someone.

For the truly insane, C is the only answer. Which was what jilted wife Maria Nilza Simoes decided to do when she discovered that her husband was boinking someone on the side. Getty "If I divorce him, I only get half his stuff. For all we know, she found him on Craigslist under the "Dumb as Balls" section. After all, it's not like you can just order up a murderer out of the L. She did the best she could.

Which is important to remember when you find out what bullshittery happened next. The unfortunately named hit man, Carlos Roberto de Jesus, finds Lupita, the lover, and discovers that she's his childhood friend.

A personal narrative about foolish things people do because of love

He can't murder the girl he once raced down gentle rolling hills in slow motion with, so Carlos does the next best thing: He convinces her to douse herself in ketchup and pose like she was straight up murdered. No one told Mrs. Cheated On either, because the picture totally convinced her that the mistress was dead. Maybe she thought the knife in the armpit was the remains of a "Just Murdered" sign conveniently used to label corpses.

In either case, Carlos claimed his money and Maria went back to her life of not getting enough affection from her husband. Until a few days later, when Maria saw her hired assassin "canoodling" with the dead woman in the marketplace.

Getty "I said get rid of the body, not Weekend at Bernie's it! You don't need a law degree to see the flaw in her logic here.

While indeed the couple was being investigated for fraud and extortion, Maria is now being charged with issuing death threats. Continue Reading Below Advertisement It's not all bad, though. While facing the embarrassment of being labeled "ketchup woman," Lupita the lover is being championed for a possible seat in the local town hall. If there's one thing people in her town value, it's a woman who will play a corpse covered in ketchup.